Ode to a messy kitchen

Letting the dog out tonite, I walked by my cabinet and noticed a big dried drip of some sort of red food and/or drink.
'Where did this come from and what the hell is it?' I thought to myself, having done a quick cleaning last night in an attempt to pick up in preparation for our cookout tommorrow.
I pondered. I had no idea what that was. It looked like food, but it didn't resemble anything I recently purchased.
Is it that a bevy of strangers come into my house when I am not at home? A bevy not much interested in my treasure, but more interested in messing up my house. Strangers with extremely poor eating habits of only large quantities of stain-causing foods.
I immediately reached for one of the 6 bottles of simple green cleaner (purchased at the Christmas tree shop on sale) strewn about the kitchen. I cleaned it up.
'Yes,' I thought. That must be it. Strangers eating messily in my house because frankly, there is no other plausible explaination I can face right now.