Shopping Ed Hardy

Maybe it was over saturation watching "Rock of Love 2", Maybe it was a mid life crisis, but I felt the overwhelming urge to buy an Ed Hardy T (long sleeve, preferably a hoodie). After an exhausting search on ebay, trying to find just the right bargain, I realized that Ed Hardy had a richer following than I, and I really needed to justify spending over 100.00 on a hoodie.
The opportunity came when my husband, a baseball hat fanatic, saw some unusual red soxs hats in the window of what I could only describe as a gangsta store. Of course, we all went in. While he was shopping the hats, my son and I spotted some T's and Hoodies with the traditional Ed Hardy graffiti. JOY!! I made a beeline, but they were high up and I couldn't compare the size.
"Hey, do you like that one? It looks like it would fit you!" I said to my son, matching Ed Hardy's would be the coolest!
"Yeah, mom, I like the pink one." but of course. Luckily his dad was engrossed in comparison hat shopping.
The waif thin sales girls have all but been ignoring me speaking spanish, laughing.
Since I could understand, I didn't suffer from NSS, or nail salon syndrome when paranoia overcomes you with everyone speaking a foreign language around you.
"Ummm. Can I get a T in his size, and do you have anything in my size?"
Eyeballs up and down, I got the once over and a frozen look appeared on her face as she flicked her long black hair back with her freshly manicured talons.
"Those are ladies, they aren't kids. We dont have nothin in your size"
There was no way this chica was going to let me, a frumpy, middle aged soccer mom buy an Ed Hardy. Not until hell freezes over for sure.
Mortified, and equally thankful I wasnt wearing my new birkenstocks, I hung my head low and made my way out.
No Ed Hardy for me.
Mother's day came, and those of you blog fans will be relieved to know that I finally got 6 bottles of vitabath pink lotion, but no Ed Hardy. Remorseful from my previous day's fat clothes shopping spree, I headed out to Kohls to return some stuff. Shopping around, I found it. A perfect T shirt. Long Sleeved, looked Ed Hardy-esque and on the sale rack. Apparently Kohls shoppers dont value counter culture fashion as I do.
For 3 dollars, maybe 3.60, I bought myself a long sleeve Ed Hardy-esque T. Though it said something like "Couture" and not, "love kills slowly" I fed my mid life crisis. If I like it, I will invest in the real deal.
Until then, this soccer mom, birkenstock wearing, frumpy fat-ass will proudly wear her 3.60 T shirt.